Not Yet Decided On A Title!

Background

This is the first draft of the song I’ve written. There is no chorus yet at the moment, still deciding on a few different ones so here’s the rest of it!
Hoping for feedback, how I can improve, what is good and what is bad, thanks for the help all!

Verse 1

Escaped from the pit, no longer stranded,
A fresh new start, no longer branded,
On my own, I did it single-handed,
I’ve left my past now they can’t stand it.
I’m stronger now, a brand new man,
Only now my life has began,
Taking control just like I planned,
And I won’t let it get out of hand.
I was at a low,
Now I’m at a high,
Reaching for the stars,
I’m already in the sky,
Forgetting all the scars,
Telling them goodbye,
This moment is for me,
No more tears will I cry,
The haters can hate,
I think I know why,
Maybe they’re jealous,
Of the words I supply,
Stick them on a beat,
And with the flow I apply,
They can’t take the heat,
So they curl up and fry!

Verse 2

I was at a left, now I’m all right,
Smashed through the darkness, like a beam of light,
I never knew, success could be in sight,
It’s finally occurred to me that it just might.
Its going to be hard, the hill is steep,
But I’ll get there if I dig deep,
In my dreams ill take that leap,
Cause without dreams there will just be sleep,
But I’m not sleeping,
I’m feeling sublime,
And line after line,
I continue to rhyme,
Spitting on a beat,
Just flowing in time,
It’s a form of art,
A lyrical design,
My confidence is up,
I’m nearly in my prime,
Conquered a mountain,
That I had to climb,
Standing at its peak,
I’m at cloud nine,
Feeling calm and successful,
Like an organised crime!

Verse 3

My advice to you, just keep your concentration,
Focus on your goals, use that as inspiration,
Battle bit by bit, through every complication,
Because in the end you will find salvation.
It might be tough, it might be hard,
You will get hit, you will get scarred,
So put on your armour, be on guard,
This is life and you’re in its yard,
The yard might be his,
But you can still be free,
Smash out of hell,
Just like me,
The dark has gone,
You’re now an escapee,
So you can live your life,
To the highest degree,
Without all the clouds,
Clearly you see,
It looks a whole lot better,
I hope you agree,
This is now the life,
You wanted it to be,
Going in at 100 miles per hour,
Like you’re in a Grand Prix!

By Corey Booth – 03/01/12

Guilty (A first draft of the first verse of the song im trying to create, tell me what you think )

Guilty (Verse 1)

Your mind is set, your going equipped, Hardcore violence your gonna inflict,
Your psychologically ready, your palms are steady and now someones heart is gonna get ripped,
What started off as just a misunderstanding is going to end with blood your going to stand in,
Your going over the top like a Lady Gaga outfit,
There’s no need for bloodshed just sit down and resolve shit,
But no your minds set on irrelevant payback,
just constantly going over the plans for your brutal attack,
Knife by your sack, you leave your house and meet your crew,
Your striding back and for like a wandering Jew,
The crew can see your focused and your aggression,
But they don’t know about that blade in your possession,
But you don’t say a word you just start walking,
thinking of the slaughtering instead of the talking,
On route to kill a relative of the enemy,
Not caring about the consequences to you or their family,
You plan to strike when their on their way home from work,
Leaving them lifeless in a world full of hurt,
And as expected the victim arrives on time,
little do they know this is the end of their line,
You jump straight out of the bushes and go straight for the heart,
Turning the blade ripping their insides apart,
The body drops to the floor in a motionless fashion,
You think your big you can see your passion,
But that passion fades when you see your right hand full of blood,
Trickling down onto the body laying in the mud,
You get your crew your starting to panic,
Trying to move the body everyones expression is frantic,
So they just give up, pack up, flee the scene to go home,
Now your crew ain’t behind you your all alone,
So just like them you decide to run,
No longer in your mind do you think it was fun,
You know the future is going to be glum for some,
But there’s no going back the deed has been done,
Your now at your crib, your now out of sight,
Hoping no one seen you under the light shining from the lamp posts at night,
In your head the incident your reflecting,
Done all this for the respect your protecting,
The reality is that you killed someone that to many other people is valuable,
Your just like a Mosquito, nothing but a deadly animal!

First Draft Of The First Verse Of My New Project “Guilty”
10/10/11